You Know You’re a Colorado Grower When… (Stoner Edition)
Colorado growers are a special breed. Maybe it’s the altitude. Maybe it’s the sunshine. Maybe it’s the 300-square-foot spare bedroom now fully converted into a jungle of LED lights and dehumidifiers. Whatever the reason, growing weed at home in Colorado comes with a unique set of quirks, inside jokes, and stoner revelations that only fellow locals can truly understand.
So grab your favorite strain, kick back, and see how many of these you know you’re a Colorado grower when… moments apply to you.
1. You’ve Panicked Over a Freak Snowstorm in May
Just when you thought your plants were safe in the greenhouse, Colorado hits you with that surprise May blizzard. One minute you're enjoying 72° sunshine, the next you're dragging five-gallon pots inside like they’re family pets.
Bonus points if you've built a tarp-tent with ski poles and duct tape to protect your girls from a freak hailstorm.
2. Your Grow Diary Has Hike Notes in the Margins
It’s not just about pH levels and nutrient schedules—you also jot down trail names, mushroom sightings, and that one time you had a stoned epiphany in Eldorado Canyon about switching to living soil.
“Transplanted today. Also saw a fox and cried about it.”
3. Your Sunglasses Are for the Grow Lights, Not the Sun
Forget mountain trails—your grow tent is brighter than the flatirons at noon. You keep a pair of shaded glasses specifically for checking trichomes under full blast. Your eyes thank you. So does your dog, who once wandered in and blinked for five minutes.
4. You’ve Tried to Pair Your Weed with a Local IPA
“Oh, this Gelato hits nice with a hazy double dry-hopped citra bomb,” you say, like you're a sommelier—but for stoners. You've hosted backyard hangouts where everyone brings a homebrew and a homegrown sample.
Welcome to “Terps & Taps: Colorado Edition.”
5. Your Compost Smells Like a Cross Between Pine and Purple Punch
You’ve tried worm bins. You’ve tried bokashi. You’ve definitely added spent trim to your compost and told yourself you’re saving the planet, one leaf at a time.
You’re not wrong.
6. You've Hidden Buds in a Ski Boot (And Forgotten About Them)
Whether it was for curing, security, or just an absent-minded moment, you’ve absolutely stashed your stash somewhere ridiculous. Later, while packing for a weekend in Breck, you find a mason jar marked “October '22 – still dank.”
7. You Know the Exact Dew Point for Your Zip Code
You used to talk about weather in vague terms. Now? You're quoting local dew points and VPD ranges like you're a meteorologist on a cannabis-specific Weather Channel. Someone mentions “dry heat,” and you're already adjusting your humidifier.
8. Your Grow Tent Has a Better Vibe Than Your Living Room
Let’s be honest: it smells better, the lighting’s softer, and the energy is just...right. You’ve sat cross-legged between your plants and considered charging your crystals next to your fan filter. And you’ve definitely hotboxed your own veg room “for research.”
9. You've Had a Talk with the HOA… Or the Neighbors
Whether it was the glow, the smell, or the fact that your backyard looks like a tropical jungle in mid-October, you’ve had to explain your “vegetable project” more than once. Thankfully, you're not the only one on the block with cannabis in the garage anymore.
Bonus: You’ve made at least one new friend this way.
10. You’ve Whispered “Thanks” Before a Harvest
Because even though you joke around and name your plants things like “Dank Sinatra” or “Bud Lightyear,” you still feel that deep, quiet moment of gratitude before the first snip. It's not just a harvest—it's a journey. And dang, you nailed it.
We’re just a bunch of plant nerds with dirt under our nails and a love for homegrown harmony. Whether you’re growing in a tent, a backyard, or just dreaming about it—we’re here to keep it real, keep it fun, and help you grow your best buds. Check out our website for more Colorado specific tips.
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